The meaning of sex

I have this one particular question I have been interested in of late: what is sex? Or the meaning of it, rather. I’m trying to do some research on it and instead of getting to the bottom of it I’ve only managed to come up with even more questions.

As humans, we are part of the animal kingdom and as such we follow the fundamental guidelines of reproducing and surviving. Reproduction, scientifically speaking, is the process by which organisms replicate themselves. But, in more practical terms, it is the creation of the mind, body and soul, consequently, the creation of consciousness.

If we go with the definition of consciousness as having emotions(and acting on them), and having cognitive abilities then it may be argued that other members of the animal kingdom are conscious and wield the ability to create consciousness. So what exactly sets us apart in this regard?

From the articles I’ve read and the acute anthropological information I’ve gathered, women hold all the power when it comes to choosing sexual partners. What they look for in man is his ability to provide and protect her and her offspring. In primal terms, the strongest male(lean body, good height, skilled hunter) is most likely to be chosen when it is mating season. This is still evident in the postmodern society as well with little variation. What makes a male desirable to a female counterpart is good looks which usually implies good genes(no one wants an ugly baby although you would be surprised at how many of them are out there), his financial standing and where he ranks in societal status. It is thus up to the male to make the efforts to be desirable and to also make the proposal for mating. That, at least, answers the fundamental 'sex as means for reproduction' question.

It is a little known fact that it is not only humans that have sex for pleasure, other species engage in recreational sex, too. But, of the 5000 mammalian species, only 3-5% form life long partners or exhibit emotional attachment. Besides the increasing ‘hook-up’ culture(that is suppose to be empowering and allowing for sexual self-actualisation), in many cases, especially for women, emotional attachment or some emotional obligation(read: cuddling) is to be expected after sexual intercourse. But why is this? 

Well, for what it's worth, it's involuntary. It's all biological. During sex, the hormone called oxycotin(also known as the cuddle hormone or love hormone because it shows up largely in intimate moments) is released and is linked to positive social functioning and is associated with bonding, trust and loyalty. Sex is not the only time that the hormone is released, though. Even when a mother is breastfeeding her infant, when you go for a massage, when your favourite sports team wins, or when one sees one's dog at the end of the day the release of the hormone increases. Essentially, it is a bonding hormone that helps associate good feelings with the person they are shared with. So that explains that. The study of the cuddle hormone is in line with what Aristotle said, that it is not love that aims at sex as its goal, it is sex that aims at love. Mhmm... okay. How true is this in today's society?

Hook-up culture has been on the come-up since the invention of the pill in the 60's which put the sexual revolution in full swing, unsurprisingly so. For the first time in history women were able to engage in sexual intercourse with minimised repercussion(aka falling pregnant and being left to deal with it). This is like getting an endless supply of 'get out of jail free' cards, of course you're going to go looting. With the sexual playing field now leveled, both genders were able to partake in as much sex as desired. Could this, then, have taken away from the meaning of sex?

For those who might not be aware, hooking-up is having sexual intercourse outside the expectation of a close or ongoing relationship. Another term for it is 'casual sex partner' but there is nothing casual about sex. Following the sequence of the stated arguments, sex is primarily procreation, secondarily bonding between two mates which, consequentially, is pleasurable otherwise there would be no need for the release of oxytocin during the encounter. These things render sex as something that cannot be casual. With casual sex it becomes impossible to form deep romantic relationships with the opposite sex. Generally, the aim in life is to find meaning, and, in many cases, many people find that meaning after building a life with another and starting a family with them. This adds depth to life that cannot be achieved when sleeping around. When treating others as 'casual sex partners' then you simultaneously treat yourself the same way. People mean more than that. Your existence means more than that. You should be able to do better.  

Call me old fashioned but I hold the notion that the act of  having sex is something private that should stay between the people involved not to be discussed openly in public with friends or otherwise. But this is not the case in our current society. Many of my male peers constantly volunteer their sexual experiences(this also happens on twitter, part of the reason why I'm off it). We all know that we have sex regularly but does that mean we should disregard its sacred value? I think this ties back to the sexual revolution, where sex became more available and women became competitors. It might be that people have been sharing sex stories since the development of language and that social media has amplified the conversation, or, it could be that the music we are subjected to(which depicts the person with the most sex partners as the most valued) has desensitised us to how sex is in actual fact a private matter that has nothing to do with those who are not involved in it. It could even be that the aforementioned hook-up culture, or the sharing of sexual partners, has done away with the importance of sex and its meaning.

It seems, to me at least, that no one thing can be pinpointed to say how exactly we find ourselves in a position where inconsequential sex is a norm. Where we disregard our natural instinct of bonding and forming a valued relationship with another in the interest of building meaning in ones life. 

Maybe I’m asking the wrong questions or questions that have no definite answer. Regardless, let me know what you think.